UPDATE: JAN 18, 2012.
THE PICKLE PIMPS ARE STILL AFTER THE INTERNET, but some things have changed since I originally wrote this article back in 2009. For one, the Republicans took over the House of Representatives, and since we all know how much different they are than the Democrat leadership of 2009, the threat of the internet being hijacked by the federal government has subsided, right? After all, with a Republican Majority in the House, they can kill any legislation like SOPA without a single Democrat vote. So, we don't have a thing to worry about, right?
THINK AGAIN! The Pickle Pimps aren't just Dems. If the Republican leadership was actual "leadership," we wouldn't have to worry about the 'indefinite detention' of people like me that call attention to attacks on the Constitutiion and Bill of Rights that almost as many Pickle Pimps in the Grand 'Ole Party voted for the 2012 NDAA without keeping their oaths as did the Jackasses, but we do. You see, it doesn't matter what Pickle Pimp Brand you support, once you crack the lid on the jar, and dip your hand inside, it still comes out slimy, green, and nasty.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE... CALL YOUR PICKLE PIMPS IN D.C., AND TELL THEM TO KEEP UNCLE SAM'S HANDS OFF THE INTERNET. TELL THEM LOUD AND CLEAR: NO PICKLES, PLEASE!!
ORIGINAL ARTICLE: PUBLISHED ON A PICKLE-FREE INTERNET: SEPT. 21, 2009
I sit at my desk, pondering this pickle We the People are in, and I don't like pickles. I realize things have to change. The diminishing returns of trying to fix this "pickle we're in" with traditional methods has failed. Let's talk about pickles for a moment. I can deal with a pickle on my burger once in a while, and if they get mine wrong, I don't always make them fix me a new burger. I'll just either eat it, or compromise, and de-pickle my burger myself. Nobody's perfect. We all make mistakes.
However, if I keep going back to the same fast-food restaurant, and they keep messing my order up, I'll eventually get tired of the poor service, and accept the fact that they either aren't listening to me when I place my order, or they don't care. Maybe it's not just the guy at the window today, cause this happened before, with a different employee working the drive-thru. Maybe it's the management.
I still don't say anything. I'm busy. Gotta run. But then I come back some time later, and it happens again. I had forgotten how poor the service was. "Oh, yeah." I tell myself. "This is that place they always screw up my order. I won't be back here anytime soon," I remind myself again," trying to mask my obvious insanity.
You see, Benjamin Franklin said "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different outcome."
I'm sick of pickles that I never order. Even when I tell them specifically, "NO PICKLES!" They get it wrong. So, I then start looking for options to resolve this "pickle" I find myself in... AGAIN!
More time passes. I like the food here, when they get it right. It's why I subconsciously block out the "pickle problem." Well, I'm not gonna give up just yet. I'll dine in next time. That way I can tell them face-to-face exactly what I want. Then they'll get it right. So, off I drive, thinking I've resolved the problem for next time.
Wrong. The same thing happens when I dine in. Pickles on my burger. Argggh! Sigh. I guess I'll vote with my dollar. I'll eat somewhere else, maybe then they'll start listening. I fill out a customer service survey I found on the table, and drop it in the box on the wall, hoping to redress my grievances against the pickle. Customer service polling explains why sales have been dropping off. Poor service. The manager gives me a coupon for a free meal next time, if I'll just overlook this pickle problem.
They should listen to customers, the true employer. Ask any businessman. When people start courting their competition, they try to figure out why, and fix it, or make it better. But they don't fix the problem. Well. I still like their food. I'll just live with it, thus lowering my expectations. I grow to except that I get pickles when I don't want them, no matter what I do. I keep finding myself in a pickle.
After a while, I quit complaining even to myself about the pickle problem. I also don't eat there as often, but when I do, I've now learned not to expect much. Well, I don't get much either, and certainly not what I want, what I should be able to expect, especially since I'm paying for it. But wait, I AM paying for it. I'll vote with my dollar. I'm done with this restaurant. Drive thru sucks. Dine in sucks. The food sucks too now, because I'm disgusted with the futility of trying to get something as simple as a burger with "NO PICKLES, PLEASE!"
I do go back by at some point, and use my coupon for a free meal to make up for a service-connected disability with my burger. Just because it's free, doesn't make it better. It doesn't make it good. I still get a pickle on my free meal, and what's worse, since they know they aren't gonna make anything off this, they skimp on the lettuce and tomato, and my fries are cold, and the drink is flat. Arrgh! Okay. I give up, but you don't win. I do. I'm voting with my dollar, because I live in a free country, where I can do that. Or at least that's what I tell myself.
Once they miss my dollars enough, and those of the other customers who eventually got fed up, and ate elsewhere, justice will be done. They'll either straighten up, or go out of business. That's the free market. Competition in a capitalistic economy drives inovation, and encourages competitors to produce a better product or service. It goes back and forth over time. Each burger joint trying to keep their customers from going to the competition. Quality goes up all around. Satisfied customers tell their friends. More people eat at your burger joint. Business makes more money, and can pay its employees better. That makes them happy. Customers are happier too. They get burgers with no pickles, if that's what they want. Quality of life goes up. Successful pursuits of happiness achieved. Don't you love the simple logic of that?
Let's recap. I don't like pickles on my burger. If I can't get what I want in a hurry at the drive-thru, and can't get it inside, face-to-face, I vote with my dollar. Bad burger joint closes. Justice is served, and nobody's in a pickle, unless they want to be. I scratch my head. Seems like common sense to me, but I digress.
So, I'm sitting at my desk, going through my emails, and I run across one about the internet, and the plans for a new and improved internet. "Cool," I think to myself as I read further, I'm a techy. It seems the government has a new website to promote a new idea for the internet. It's called http://www.openinternet.gov. Nice looking site. FCC Chairman Julius Genachowski has a video posted, to "communicate" to me how a "federal commission" is going to make the internet the best thing since sliced bread.
This federal commission in charge of "communications" has this heartwarming message that I am part of something big. It says,
"Welcome to OpenInternet.gov. Together we can preserve a free and open Internet to promote greater innovation, job creation, and a more connected America."
Wow! That does sound like the best thing since sliced bread. We're together, free and open. It's gonna promote innovation, and create jobs, and best of all, make us a more connected America. Well gee. Who wouldn't want that? Sign me up. But wait a minute. This sounds too good to be true. I remember being in a pickle before, when I thought I was getting what was advertised; what I was paying for.
I was about to go throught the drive thru. This looks and sounds like what we need, but I've been in a pickle before because I took the drive thru. Maybe I should go inside, and dine in. So I watch the video of FCC Chairman Julius Genachowski. Hmm... sounds like the burger joint manager, who can't really explain why I keep getting pickles that I don't want. What the burger joint manager said sounded nice too, but didn't communicate anything that mattered. FCC Chairman Genachowski's video communicates NOTHING of substance. Well, ain't this a pickle.
Where's that customer service card? They had one at the burger joint. Hey! They want me to join the discussion. So, I click on the button under the ridiculous video, under the heartwarming message. I type in my two-cents worth, and am about to hit send, but it won't. They want to know my email address. Why does the FCC need my email address to post a comment on a "free" and "open" internet. Isn't that like a poll tax, or something?
I remember the cash-for-clunkers fiasco, where you effectively gave the government "ownership of your computer, now and forever, and everything on it." NO PICKLES, PLEASE! I've seen management at this burger joint in action before. If I give them my suggestion, and its the next best thing since sliced bread, then they can just take the message. Why do they need to identify the messenger?
If they were sincere, it wouldn't matter who the messenger was. They didn't ask me to join a mailing list. They asked for opinions. It won't let me just leave a message. Now, I've seen how this government treats people with views that are contrary to their agenda. Talk radio. Lou Dobbs. Glenn Beck. Fox News, in general. Even the insurance company Humana got a pickle they didn't want on their burger when they warned their customers about Obamacare.
Well, I don't need to post my message on their site. They won't like what I have to say. Besides, I might end up on their hit list for daring to point out the obvious. Keep your hands off the internet. You're obviously not qualified, or motivated to do what's in MY best interest. That's my free speech you're messing with. I don't trust you to control it. You've forgotten who the customer is: WE THE PEOPLE.
Gee, this sounds like my "single-payer," government-run VA Medical Care. You've heard of that right? It's for our veterans who find themselves in a pickle, that need healthcare. And if you're in a pickle, and go to the management, don't expect much. Read my blog entry titled "VA Leaves Combat Veteran Stranded 150 Miles From Home" further down, to get the full effect of what I'm trying to say here.
Our corrupt government doesn't even read the Constitution, their "employee handbook." I'll just post it on the FIRE Coalition Blog, or on my PatriotWatchdog blog at MySpace. I don't need their permission there. I don't have to give them my email address to speak my mind. I'm a free man with a Bill of Rights. I'm the employer, not the employee.
So, I go to log into our blog at http://blog.firecoalition.com, and what do I see? Not our blog. I see a big, scary window, warning me that "this might be an attack site."
Well, ain't this a pickle. Did I mention I don't like pickles? At the FIRE Coalition, we actually do "question with boldness," and we actually do "speak without fear." We hold our elected officials feet to the fire with our 1st Amendment right to free speech. We don't just take the drive thru, we go inside, and meet with our Congressmen, Senators, etc... You know them right? OUR EMPLOYEES? Our humble servants with "honorable" at the beginning of their names?
Over the past two years, since I took on the role of National Director, whenever the FIRE Coalition pressured the government too hard, or told too much of the truth about the "pickle" We the People are in, we get attacked. Like that "Where's Waldo" game, you could almost just assume that I was in D.C., because our sites, and emails would come under attack, crash, get hacked.
I used to use that as a litmus test. Hey, we must be doing something right. We're angering some powerful people if they can get past the well-managed security on our sites, and email accounts. But since I don't advertise where and when I go, it really narrows the list of possible culprits. Now, my philosophy is that there are only two groups of people that we should be talking to about what's wrong with our country: We the People, and the people we elect. Period.
What that means is that I don't waste my time trying to argue the merits of defending Article IV, Section 4 of the U.S. Constitution with the illegal alien foreign national invaders who comprise the largest invasion in world history. They are not the solution. They don't have a seat at the table, or shouldn't. They don't respect our laws, our sovereignty, our culture, our language. Nothing. So who would know where I am, if I don't advertise ahead of time where I am, except maybe some of those government officials whose feet I hold to the fire.
When I was in the military, I took an oath, just like our Members of Congress do, just like the President. If I betrayed my oath, I would on the carpet in front of my commander. I'd have some explaining to do. I might even go to prison for betraying my oath. If honor, loyalty, and sense of duty to your fellow countrymen wasn't enough to keep your attention to detail, the threat of going to Levenworth might do the trick. Wouldn't that be a pickle?
Well America, our government is being run like a poorly managed burger joint, with employees that can't read their "employee handbook," (the Constitution), that keep trying to shove pickles down our throat, no matter how often, or how loud we tell them, "NO PICKLES, PLEASE!"
Our burger joint employees won't read the complaint box either, (we have no redress of grievances), or listen to the customer satisfaction surveys. Like a large number of the illegal alien employees that don't speak the same language we do, (at OUR burger joint), they don't even read the bills their special interest salesmen write to get us out of the latest pickle. A pickle, I might add, that we wouldn't be subjected to in the first place if management had upheld the "employee handbook."
They just offer us a free burger to appease us. We go away. They can sit back and live fat off the stockholders of the burger joint. Things have gotten so bad, our burger joint is going bankrupt. We need new management. We tried that three years ago, when the House and Senate swapped hands, and got a whole new fresh set of empty promises. We were already in a pickle. The "change" we got was more pickles! Are we insane? No. We are not.
We the People have something most of the rest of the world does not, "a sleeping giant" that hates koolaid, but loves sweet tea. White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel said, "Never let a crisis go to waste." Yesterday, President Obama declared the H1N1 virus a national emergency. If you listened to the donkey that's behaving like an ass, or the elephant who's lost his memory, you might have noticed the "triggers" that were put into place after 9/11/2001, and even more "triggers" when our poorly managed burger joint staff put the people in New Orleans in a pickle after Hurricane Katrina ravaged the Gulf Coast.
These "triggers" were just crisis management devices to solve a problem, but the real intent was to nibble away at our rights, our sovereignty, our Constitution, etc... After all, they gave us heart-warming rhetoric, to make us feel good about giving up a little liberty for a little more security.
Do not be so naive as to believe our President, Congress, and the rest of our burger joint employees at the top haven't read the Constitution, or the wisdoms left by the Founding Fathers. We the People advise each other that the Founders said, "Any people who will give up a little liberty for a little security will get neither. The traitors know that too. They also heard us advise each other about another Founding Father wisdom: When the government fears the people, there is liberty. When the people fear the government, there is tyranny.
The President and Mr. "Don't let a crisis go to waste" Emanuel want us afraid of them. They don't like us having liberty or freedom of choice. Foreign and domestic enemies of our Constitution and sovereignty create crises that will steer the sheeple towards the solution that will give them more power, and We the People less.
Eventually, if the foreign and domestic enemies of our Constitution get their way, we'll be too afraid to challenge them. Our apathy and pragmatic compromising have us in a real pickle. Our burger joint is in such a state of despair, with an ever-increasing onslaught of pickles we didn't ask for. They call tax increases an elimination of tax cuts. They call patriots racists. They call their customers potential domestic terrorists to both quiet the messenger, and marginalize the message.
When the formerly "sleeping giant" won't drink the koolaid, well gee, that's another crisis. They try to shut We the People up at every turn. Discredit the messenger, and you discredit the message. Nice try, pickle-pushers.
I have a question for FCC Chairman Genachowski. Who wrote that "non-communicative" koolaid commercial for you? George Orwell? Mr. Chairman, who crafted the imaginary crisis you aluded to, Aldous Huxley?
We the People can't survive on your animal farm, and this ain't 1984 either, no matter how much you may slobber over the concept. It's time for a stockholders meeting at "All-American Burger," to discuss the diminishing returns of the pickle-pushers before we have to shut down our burger joint. Wouldn't that be a pickle?.
By the way, here's what I would have contributed to your OpenInternet.gov site if it was the message you wanted, and not the messenger.
The government can best preserve a "free and open" internet, whatever that means in government-speak, by keeping their hands off it.
If you really want to improve access and availability, how about holding those providers accountable that We the People gave billions in tax credits to, in order to help them expand their service to rural areas? They also got the benefit of expanding their business. That's how you sold it to We the People over a decade ago. But did you regulate or monitor our money? No. Did you make sure they kept their end of the bargain? No.
Can you explain why We the People should believe you this time? You attach words like "free" and "open" to give people a warm fuzzy while your real goal is to take control of the last bastion of free speech, fill the pockets of the "chosen ones" that will provide this new service, and goose-step that much closer to socialism and the total dissolution of the United States.
People used to vote with their dollar. What do you think they'll vote with when you take all their dollars?
Keep your hands off the internet. I watched the FCC video. FCC... stands for Federal Communication Commission. We the People would think that the Chairman of our FCC could actually "communicate" I'd be embarrassed. And because I believe Chairman Genachowski is a willing usurper, while we ARE at war abroad,
If the FCC can't even "communicate" using "common sense" language, with complete thoughts, and precise wording..., again, I have to ask, We the People should trust you why? We shouldn't. We don't. Mind your own business. Here's how you "play" with words:
Pretentious pickle-pimps pontificating pernicious propositions of peace and prosperity won't proselytize PatriotWatchdogs, Putz!
TRANSLATION: NO PICKLES, PLEASE!
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